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Personal Notes

(1) I have experienced many challenges and setbacks. I still do. Many relationship issues, educational debates, and personal life struggles have held me back.

(2) I talk to S about everything and realize that we share many problems. I recently opened up to E and P and some of the same issues are found in their lives as well. E seems to be unsure of what to do with her life like me whereas S and P just deal with certain areas.

(3) I just described my relationship with J last week as "nothing is really wrong, but nothing really feels right either."

(4) Quarter-Life Crisis: "Feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt experienced by some people in their twenties, especially after completing their education." Me. Except I started this before finishing college. Could be the age difference (finished at 25 versus 22-23).

(5) I do feel like I need to figure everything out right now.

(6) Loren's story is a lot like mine: she feels like everything she wants in life is out there somewhere and possibly around the corner but she just can't find any of it. She feels alone and while I'm in a relationship, I still feel that way most of the time. I have made friends in time who are now younger than me with careers making double what I probably will in the beginning and that's intimidating. I want to be somebody and have a great career just like they do but I feel like I can't live up to that... which is usually their expectations. Those friends don't understand why everyone else is behind. My mom doesn't understand why I feel the need to get ahead. It's almost like she just wants me to settle... which I considered because at some point I have to take what I can get. I can easily sum up how I feel about myself at this point in time: I'm 25 years old and have nothing to show for my life.

(7) Clara's story isn't like my life at all. Clara has it together and someone like me looks at her and thinks BE HAPPY! But everyone has their own problems and issues and I believe she suffers like I do for some reason. I do relate to some of the questions she has about her life: Is he the one? Marriage? Do I want kids? Will I have a career or kids or somehow balance both? The list goes on.

(8) Quotes that apply to me:

"This is a time when I want to figure out who I am, what I want, and what my purpose is in life, but I seem to spend more time learning how much pressure I can handle."

"I am still searching, trying to figure out what makes me tick and what my voice is in the world."

"This is a time of everything at once, with a feeling that there is no room for error." **This one is very true because I am constantly worried that I'll make the wrong choice and everyone, including myself, will be disappointed. Instead of taking a stab in the dark, I try not to make the choice at all so I'm not set up for failure. However, this means I never change or move forward, just stand still.**

"I experience misplaced energy from a weak sense of self. A lot of two two steps forward, three steps back."

(9) "We are told that the twenties are 'the time of our lives,' yet many of us admit that we are not having much fun." That quote makes me laugh... with sarcasm in my voice! This is absolutely NOT the time of my life... maybe my early twenties was and I'm hoping my mid-to-late twenties will be as well. But right here in the middle, hell no. I hate it.

(10) ...The concerns of a twenty-something woman today are unqiue to both our generation and our gender. We face different issues that our parents, particularly our mothers, faced. I guess this is why my mom doesn't understand where I'm coming from or see "what all the fuss is about." However, she was a twenty-something single woman only for a short time and then had me unexpectedly. Individuals who find themselves in situations like this usually figure things out fast because they are forced into it. I must admit that sometimes I wish for this because at least it would be a decision! But then, I know, not by any means is that the right way or reason to have a kid (so young at least).

(11) "Has the 'anything is possible' mentality we grew up with made us feel that twenty-something has to become twenty-everything? Has a limitless number of choices created an inability to pick just one? Perhaps our endless options have made us unable to confidently embark on one path." I can totally see how this mentality has almost screwed us over when it was meant to empower us. I have too many jobs, relationships, places to live, etc to chose from. That's exactly what I can't just choose one. "It's all about choices." - S :)

(12) Men are like dressers. Women are like hot air balloons. Men have an amazing ability to compartmentalize their lives. They only pull out one drawer at a time because opening two or more would make the dresser tip over. Women are fueled by everything that happens in their life at once and creates fire under the hot air balloon.

(13) Quiz to determine if you are experiencing symptoms of a twenty-something crisis:

Do you feel a need to "have it all"? Yes.
Do you feel older for the first time in your life? Yes.
Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order? Yes.
Do you often feel depressed, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless? Yes.
Do you ever feel that time is running out when you try to figure out your career and decide whether you
      want to get a married and/or have children? Yes.
Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life? Yes.
Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life? Yes.
Do you overanalyze yourself and your decisions? Yes.
Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life when you've lived only about a quarter of it? Yes.
Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out or accomplished more? Yes.

I answered yes to them all. I definitely think I am experiencing the crisis.

(14) Sounds just like me: "I came into my quarter-life by attempting to fix, improve, change, or repair every aspect of my life. I always thought my relationships, career, and physical appearance should or could be different in a way that would make me feel more at peace. Yet no matter what I did, the gnawing feeling that something was not right was always present. My excuses - "I do not like this career because it is not the right fit for me" and "I am not happy in this relationship because he is not the right guy for me" - became tiresome."

(15) **Quote** "Only you can change your life, your mind, or your future - it is a matter of commitment and choice."